Happy New Year! A reflection on what I’ve learned from my 4-months travelling Southeast Asia

I finished 2023 convinced 2024 was going to be my year. I had quit my corporate job, and left London, and in January 2024 I was about to embark on an adventure of a lifetime and a project I’d been dreaming about for some time – backpacking Southeast Asia solo. And I did it! Got on a plane on the 13th of January 2024 to Ho Chi Minh City, and then on the 12th of May 2024 I took a trip back to Lisbon, from Denpasar, completing four months of travelling. In those four months, I learned so much about myself – and none of it was comfortable!

Lesson 1: “Wherever you go, there you are”

It’s a tale as old as time. A quote that is said again and again, but as with most things in life, only absorbed fully when you experience it. To me, this wasn’t so much a revelation – but just something that I feel is important to still highlight. I desperately needed a break from “real life” – I was burned out to the core after years of focusing on goals I wasn’t even sure were mine anymore. Travelling had saved me so many times – but this time my burnout was itched into my bones. It was running deep in me, absorbed into my bloodstream. The moments of anxiety that I was experiencing before, came with me. I stubbornly didn’t want to continue with my meds or therapy, actually thinking the need for this would go away as soon as I started travelling – how many times before a trip had been enough to bring myself back up? But a short trip is very different from long-term travelling. I had two big episodes during these four months – while still fewer in comparison to before, their impact was bigger. I would be questioning what the hell was wrong with me, going into spiralling guilt trips that only made me feel worse. Thinking how could I be feeling so crappy when I was doing one of the things I loved the most?

If you are going into a similar journey expecting those feelings won’t go with you, think again. They will. And it can be scary when you are all alone, in a different time zone, different environment where everything is strange and unknown to you.

Lesson 2: I’m more aware and certain of the person I am.

Sometimes what you thought you really wanted, isn’t exactly what you wanted after all. Before this trip, I was absolutely lost. Not sure what I wanted, what was right for me, what would make me happy. I didn’t find solutions for all of these questions, but found some clarity. I realised that whilst I love travelling, I have used it as escapism from routine, and that having somewhere and something to go back to was more important than I had realised. Travelling for such a long time was killing the element of escapism – and after 2 months I considered shortening the trip. Ironically, I also realised I like the routine and the structure that a job gives to my life, to my day-to-day. When I hit the two-month mark, I was really craving it. And the fact that I was the sole owner of my time was actually not the amazing thing I thought it was going to be. And with this came the realisation that I am definitely someone who is goal-oriented, and enjoys having a career. I just have to find ways to not let my job be what defines me and gives me worth.

This is of course unique to me, to my personality. Others may feel completely different – I realised I couldn’t do the digital nomad thing, not for long at least, as despite all my autonomy, I need to be rooted somewhere. Now I am more certain of what is right for me, and that helps navigating the difficulties that life brings me.

Lesson 3: My standard of living basics are not the same as those of others

Dah, obvious. But is it? We know poverty exists, and we see with our own eyes images of incredibly impoverished places where people barely have a grain of rice to eat. It is easy to forget it though. You turn off the TV and that reality is shut down. You go back to your life, where there is food on the table for every meal. Where you know you will have hot water for a shower. Where electricity will be there to keep your fridge running, the air con on. The roads are paved, and you don’t have to fear mosquito bites killing your kin cause there are doctors and hospitals near you. Seeing this with my own eyes and experiencing it in my own skin, changed the way I look at my own life completely. Yes, I will still complain about my first-world problems, because to me those are the problems that affect me, my friends and my family. But somehow, I am still so f* privileged. I needed this exposure and it made me a better human being, someone who values what she has a lot more than before.

Lesson 4: I’m making my travelling more purposeful and intentional

The way certain parts of the world are being exploited for touristic purposes is carnage. Disasters waiting to happen, some already happening. The world isn’t learning. No one is doing anything to stop it. And while I was travelling, I felt I was part of a growing problem. It is a great thing that travelling is so much more democratised – more people can travel nowadays than it was ever possible. Everything is more accessible, and social media has increased exposure to certain parts of the world which were unnoticed before. This has brought in money to places where financial security was scarce, which is in itself a good thing. The issue is when suddenly all they see is exactly that – money. Entire populations are dependent on tourism. Locals are being forced out of their hometowns cause they no longer can afford it, killing the authenticity of the place. Exploitation of nature, causing serious and often irreversible damage to stunning natural places and habitats; I’ll never forget the awfulness that was visiting Nusa Penida, or the sad reality of the Filipinos in Palawan. How Malacca seems like a themed park, losing its soul. The eminent natural disaster in Koh Lipe. How the exploitation of elephants is still so common in Laos and Thailand, as I’ve had a chance to learn at the Elephant Conservation Centre.

There is a lack of regulation and responsibility by the local authorities, sadly massively impacting the environment and the local communities. The pollution, the trash – the use of plastic is too widespread. And I am really not blaming the locals, who are just surviving day by day. I’m blaming those in power who are only driven by greed, blind to the consequences of their acts, and careless about the populations they are supposed to protect and sustain.

While I am always making a conscious effort to be as sustainable as possible, avoiding any practices that I suspect are impacting animal welfare, or the environment itself, I am aware that there is such thing as “overconsumption” of travelling. As much as I love it, I also love the planet too.

Lesson 5: I am brave. Hell, I am!

When you become seasoned in something that once scared you, as solo travelling, and you surround yourself with content produced by like-minded people, you often tend to forget that what you are doing is something that is actually quite splendid! And sometimes I would encounter other travellers who reminded me of that, and especially when I came back home it was something I was reminded of by my friends and also some strangers – I remember when I went to the hairdresser and she was shocked when I told her what I had done during the first half of the year – her shock was something that made me giggle. “And alone?” it was quite something.

Bravery isn’t about being fearless, but rather facing the fears and doing it anyway. So I think perhaps people are right when they describe me as brave… and they don’t even understand what it is like to live inside my head. I’m someone who comes across as confident and fearless….but in the past years, I’ve struggled with serious anxiety and crippling moments of depression and low self-esteem. I am proud I’ve had the guts to face all of it and go on this journey anyway.

This is the best 2024 brought me.

But this was just the first half.

Sadly, the second half of the year has been hard. I was really lucky to have found a new job so soon. Came back to London in July, but sometimes it feels like I’m being punished for having had too much fun in the first half of the year. Crappy stuff has been happening in my personal life… the job I got is temporary, and I’m struggling to find a new one. The job is also not what was advertised and I have not been having the best time. The future is looking quite uncertain, and my mental health has been declining once again. And what is happening in the world… so many wars. So much hate discourse. So many people taking power who shouldn’t. Once again I am feeling burned out by the expectations I’m putting on myself, and the unfair capitalistic system we live in, making all of us competitors to one another, making it hard to believe that your good work, your talent and your reputation will fairly pay off…that kindness will pay off.

But I don’t want to finish the year on a negative note. What I experienced in the first few months of 2024 was unique, and it changed me in ways I was not expecting. I’m holding on to those learnings and those memories, holding on to the realisation that I am indeed brave, and I’ll get through this darker part of my life.

Welcome, 2025. Please be kind.

Happy New Year, Everyone!

Love, Nic