5 Fears of Travelling Solo

Last year I started a habit of spending probably a little too much time on Reddit. I think the reason I like it so much is because of the myriad of travel advice I can find there, a lot of constructive discussions around travelling trends, etc, and how some users are really vulnerable with what they share. A particular subreddit I’m reading a lot of is the solo travel one, and I couldn’t help but find a pattern of questions/confessions/discussions around the fears of solo travelling. I appreciate this so much, not only because I can relate to a lot of the fears and questions that I had initially, and some of them that still prevail. Through this I don’t feel as alone in my fears, knowing that these are shared by hundreds of others… but I’ve also come to realise that I am sort of an experienced solo traveller by this point, so perhaps I could write a little about these fears and how I’ve found (or still finding!) my away around them.

The Fear of Loneliness

This is a big one. A lot of people mention that they are scared to feel lonely whilst travelling. In my experience (and personal opinion), two things have an influence here: your personality and your support system.

Your personality here can play in your favour or against you. If you are more of an introvert, likely, you likely won’t suffer so much from feelings of loneliness, as you are likely used to spending time by yourself. On the other hand, if you are an extrovert, and you gather energy from being around people, and interacting with them, it can definitely be trickier.

I must say though, that even as an introvert, at the end of the day, we are all social beings, and I do experience feelings of loneliness sometimes. It’s usually triggered by something – seeing a lot of groups of friends around me, who seem to be getting such a great time. Seeing something amazing, and wanting to share it with someone else. Sometimes even when I see there are experiences around that only accept groups of people (like a tour for instance). These feelings are typically short-lived, thankfully. Some people say they want to stay in hostels to meet other people – and I think this can be a great strategy for extroverts – but beware, as you may not always be able to achieve this, even staying in hostels.

For me personally, joining tours from time to time (either day tours, or a few hours of walking tours) can be enough to break the “loneliness” as I will often find other travellers willing to chat for a bit, and these conversations might be fantastic because you are typically speaking with like-minded people – potentially solo travellers themselves. And sometimes I have so much fun in such tours, or what I learned tickled my brain so much, that I get a dopamine shot in my system that makes me forget any negative thoughts I was having.

I don’t have a romantic view of travelling, in the sense that I always am baffled when I hear people saying they’ve made so many friends or met and joined fellow travellers on the road. Meeting people to me isn’t easy, and I have not found that easiness on the road either. I tend to blame myself a bit for it – because of my introversion, I am shy and reserved and don’t open up easily. Not ideal when a few minutes of conversation are supposed to open an ocean of potential friendships… most of my close friends in life, I could only see them as friends and truly open up to them after at least one year!

I also mention your support system, and with this I mean the community of people that surround you when you’re not on the road. It doesn’t have to be physical – some of my best friends are located in different countries, and I still consider them as part of my community of people. It is important to have this and have them aware of your plans and the reason why you are doing it. Likely, they will be your biggest supporters, and people you can rely on if you are feeling lonely on the road and need a quick chat. This can be hard with time zone differences, but I found that just texting people to let them know you are ok, sending a couple of photos, and checking in on each other, makes all the difference.

I would say though – don’t be afraid of feeling lonely and accept that is natural. Make yourself busy, plan a cool itinerary, focus on your passions and, most importantly – remember the reason you travelled in the first place. Make that your mission. And remember how amazing you are for having taken the step to go somewhere unknown on your own. It is a very brave thing to do.

The Fear of Boredom

I get bored very easily, but that’s mostly when nothing is stimulating around me. This is why I suck at slow travelling and I am trying to be better at it. It is also an annoying habit that we developed – that of being productive, and active at all waking hours.

What if I told you that boredom, is an essential part of being? There are multiple studies out there that explain the different types of boredom there are, and showcase how it can be productive, making you more creative and skilful in problem-solving. In the context of travelling itself, I’d argue that boredom is needed to force you to stop, look around you, and really ponder on what you are observing around you.

Boredom isn’t a cause of solo travelling. It is a cause of being alive, and I have felt bored when travelling with other people. The difference is that I can have a higher quality of boredom when I’m on my own. when there aren’t awkward silences, of the frequent questioning on my mind about what the other person is thinking/feeling. Or without them thinking that I’m moody simply because I’ve slown and quieted down. After all, this is one of the big reasons I prefer to travel solo – I can do exactly what my heart desires, and not have to give in to make someone else happy.

Now if we are talking about “empty hours” – just before bed, whilst savouring a meal, at the airport/bus/train terminal waiting for your flight/bus/train… read, watch some shows, take notes, journal, look through the photos and videos you have been taking, edit some of it on your phone.

I’m learning to embrace boredom while travelling as something healthy, an opportunity to rest, instead of being mad at myself for not being productive all the time. This is after all one of the greatest benefits of solo travelling – you take it at your pace, and you don’t have to please anyone else.

The Fear of “if something goes wrong, I’m on my own”

This is the biggest for me. What if I get sick? What if I get robbed? I only have myself to rely on, and no one else there. Even if a trip is going seriously wrong for some reason, I have no one to rant to. My advice: get a close friend from home, or family member to be your “virtual travel buddy”. Someone who you can trust won’t be judgemental, will have the space to hear you out in their life, and will be supportive. Someone who knows you well. Someone you feel you can be vulnerable with. This is something that will make you feel better, even if is someone you can just share your itinerary with and send a message to every day to reassure them that you are okay, and to reassure you that if something goes wrong, people know where you are.

And don’t worry – there is a solution for everything, and whilst the world might often seem like a cruel place, where meanness and selfishness reign, you’ll be surprised with the kindness you get from strangers.

The Fear of Dining Out Alone

This is something that I never had until recently! And only because I started hearing stories (and have seen in the news, that something like this was happening in Barcelona, a highly touristic spot!) that in some places, restaurants are refusing to serve solo diners. I started to become more self-conscious than before. Usually, I’d only feel that way, unless I was seeing restaurants quite busy and crowded with big groups of friends and families. But now when I say “table for one” I almost expect the displeasing expression of the waiter. Thankfully, this has never happened to me… yet. I do fear it might.

Most people though describe that their pet peeve here is related to the feeling of being watched and judged by others. In my opinion, this is a construct in our heads and not something that really happens – unless you are in a remote, smaller place, where it is not common to see outsiders/tourists around.

The first thing I’d say to that is that most likely, the others have barely noticed you, because they are enjoying their food, or will be in deep conversation with their dining partners. Believe me – it’s all in your head. Most times, at least.

The Fear of Failure

This is not just about solo travelling, it’s about everything in life really. We are moulded into being failure-averse, and it’s driving us, as a society, into desperation and burnout. Guess what, not everything in life will be a success, and that is all right. The fact that you tried something new, something different, that you put yourself outside of your comfort zone, it is already a big win. So many never do it, choosing to live a life where the future seems controllable and predictable. You may go solo travel and decide that’s not for you. And that is OK. You have tried it. Not your cup of tea. So you won’t drink it anymore!

I also think there is an increasing romanticization of travelling and solo travelling, that is only heightened by social media. It seems to me people have really high expectations from the experience of travelling and travelling solo – and it’s important to understand it might not be anything like Eat, Pray and Love. You may not have any revelation about yourself, find the love of your life or a unique professional opportunity. You may simply go travel, learn more about a culture, and come back a better person. Or perhaps the only things you come back with are some photos and memories. As someone who started to solo travel when social media did not have any input on the idea of what travelling was for me (my first solo trip was in 2016, and whilst I was on Instagram, at that time, all I was seeing were my friends’ posts). My advice: forget those manicured images of beautiful people in beautiful locations on Instagram. Go for the experience, for the learning, and be prepared for things to get hard on the road, to feel dirty, and unkept.

I remember now with candour – such a small trip, rail travel through Belgium, from London, and I remember feeling so empowered by it! Quite honestly, after a while, the lessons, the empowerment feelings, definitely slowed down, or at least were not as intense anymore.

The real failure is to never even try.

Love, Nic