Goodbye 2023. Cheers 2024.

Oh boy. Dear 2023, it was nice to meet you, but I’m so glad to see you go. I don’t like wishing time away. And before you start giving lessons on how we must leave in the presence, let me stop you there. I’m very well aware of how precious time is, and this is something we simply can’t get back. It is the one thing we never know when we’re running out. Our last moments can be today, tomorrow, next month or in ten years. The only certainty we have is that there will be a last moment, as there was a first.

This was the year I started to listen to my instincts and open my eyes to the signs life was giving me. I travelled between countries on the eve of two New Years. I know this sounds odd, and non-sensical. But it was the 31st of December 2022 when I travelled back to London, and it was also on the eve of Tet, the Vietnamese Lunar New Year, that I travelled from Hanoi, again, back to London. It made me think of how I didn’t want 2023 to start. I was running away from it. Not consciously of course.

Taking time off in January was also unusual for me. It was the first time I did it, and Vietnam was my chosen destination. Two amazing weeks spent exploring a tiny tiny fraction of the country introduced me to the sort of chaos that did not exist in my mental vocabulary. And I did not want to leave and go back to the grim reality awaiting me in London. The dreary winter, the job, the routine. Of course, nothing could have prepared me for what I came back to, which was uncertainty, a slap in my face reminding me of how little control we actually have, no matter how hard you work, and how much you give. I came back to depression, frozen to the core, apathetic and melancholic.

It was a very tough year, but I’m hopeful. I’ve made some drastic changes. I quit my job, against all the odds in the current economic climate. I’ve moved out of London, and I’ve been in Portugal for the last couple of months, intercalated with some trips in the middle. And I’ve been trying to feel good about the voices I’ve made that have brought me here and will take me to so many places in 2024.

Yes, 2024 will start with a big adventure. In January I’ll be flying back to Vietnam, my first stop in what will be a 4 months long trip through South East Asia, which has been consuming my time and my nerves with planning. It’s been a long-life dream to be able to travel full-time for an extensive period, and I’m so glad I’m making it a reality. There is a part of me that is terrified – of it going all wrong, of just feeling depressed and demotivated through it all (unlikely), that I’ve made a big mistake leaving my job, leaving London and won’t be able to get back on my feet…

Yet, I want to make 2024 my passion year. A year where success will be measured through my inner happiness and not the job I have, the career ladder I’m claiming, my income and promotions. A year dedicated to nurturing a love for myself and not hate. A year to stop pushing myself down, and hopefully get back on the surface to breathe. A year to stop overthinking, and calm my inner demons and anxiety.

It is hard to make New Year resolutions when the year itself will most likely be spent in uncertainty. I don’t know what will happen when I finish my travels, what kind of job I’ll land (or even if I will land a new one that quick in 2024 – very unlikely), or which country I’ll be living in. Right now, I’m in transition, as a friend put it, so everything feels unstable. But I am a goal-oriented person, so I’ve got to design some resolutions for myself. Not that this blog as a lot of readership, but putting out there on the Internet hopefully will help.

Weel-Being Goal: Reduce the bullying I do to myself.

A big thing I have noticed this year, also through the help of therapy, is how seriously cruel I am to myself. I could not find a bigger enemy, and it is really hard when you are your own. Always think the worst of me, with my imposter syndrome shutting down my confidence and ability to take myself seriously. Always thinking that I don’t deserve things – I don’t deserve this break I’m taking, feeling guilty about it, feeling guilty about food, feeling like I don’t deserve nice things, assuming that I will fail everything I do and if I don’t fail and things actually turn out okay, always attributing it to sheer luck, or to other external factors that are independent of me. Always undermining my own well-being by simply not being able to let go of little obsessions and just live. The world is a shit and often cruel place… and there is not a lot I can do about it, and my guilt-induced mood is only hurting me and no one else. Do I really deserve it?

Now this will be the hardest goal to achieve. It is something I was working on and then got completely derailed these last couple of months. I just have to be kinder to myself.

Creative Goals: More Video & Writing

I’ve been wanting to dedicate myself to both these things a lot more this year, and I have in a way. I’ve done some little videos and uploaded them onto my YouTube channel, and of course, I have continued to write on this blog. Yet, I want to take this hobby a little bit more seriously. Now there are currently some limitations to it – while it is true that I don’t have a job, in about 2 weeks I’ll be starting my 4-month long period of travelling. I won’t be taking a laptop with me which means that posting on this blog will be on pause, and also means I won’t be able to edit videos and publish either. But I do mean to record it all and hopefully have lots of material to start from – giving me strict goals for when I’m back as well that go beyond travelling and finding another job.

I do usually get inspired when I’m travelling, and have a lot of writing prompts coming to my head. I always think that I’m going to write a story on it, but then I simply forget. So I’ll start taking note of such writing prompts and let’s see if that makes my process a lot easier.

Travel Goals: Minimalist Solo Travelling: learning to live with less and practice seeking connections with people

I think I’m already minimalistic when I travel, but next year I’ll be taking it to another level. Travelling for that long with only a backpack, the kind that fits in the overhead compartment on a plane… I considered myself to be medium maintenance, but still… not being able to have all the clothes I love with me, all my skincare and makeup rituals will be flying out the window, and comfiness and lightness will be the absolute priority. And travelling solo for that long? I’m an extreme introvert, and I know that makes things easier for me. But even as someone who has been travelling alone for years, it’s always been for a maximum period of 2 weeks, and nothing more. After that, it was back to work, back to arranging meet-ups with friends, etc. I know that a lot of people talk about how easy it is to meet people on the road, but that has not been the case for me. I tend to “break” my solo periods by joining tours here and there, but sometimes that doesn’t give you that much chatting time, especially if those tours are made of groups of friends and couples who keep to themselves. Or even other solo travellers who like me are incredibly shy. I guess I’ll have to think positively here – when I was on the cruise in Halong Bay earlier this year, there was only another solo traveller on the tour, but everyone else was so open and nice that was quite easy to forget I was indeed travelling alone. Actually, this happened quite a lot in Vietnam, so hopefully I’ll be lucky during this trip. So, I’m hoping this will be good training for me as well, to open up a little more, and be less afraid of talking to strangers (something that I was getting better at until the pandemic happened and I went back to my hermit self…)

Ok, this is it now. I’m ready to say goodbye to 2023 and welcome 2024 with open arms 🙂 Do you have any personal resolutions for yourself?

Happy New Year Everyone!

Love, Nic