Why does it look that after decades of taking small steps in the right directions, we are today seeing that little progress being destroyed in mere days? I’ve been keeping my rage silent. My rage after seeing Trump being reelected. My rage after understanding Elon Musk was going to be his red hand. My rage at the unfair deportations, at the denial of the existence of Transgender humans. This orange monster is destroying everything of good that the Western world has conquered, destroying international relationships with those who have been the oldest allies of the US, and choosing to partner with war criminals like Putin. I don’t even live in the US, but all the US does affects us every single one of us. I grew up with American music, movies, shows… and well using the services and products of the big tech companies, all of the American – Meta, Google, Apple, to name a few. And they are standing by his side. The side of capitalism – this isn’t surprising. Instead that now, they are shamelessly doing so, without excuses, in the open. They seem to feel it is allowed now. To show to our faces they really couldn’t give a single f*ck about you, me, the world.
Those companies who not so long ago pioneered D&I policies, those tech giants who at the start came out to the world with the good intentions of making access to knowledge democratic… are now showing their true colours. Or at least the colours that matter to them – the colour of white supremacy, of male white supremacy, and the colours of money. All of this is crumbling in front of us. First they removed Black History Month, Pride Month, Holocaust Remembrance days from their calendars. Now they also cleared them of International Women’s Day. They claim the admin is too heavy, to keep these events on the calendars. Let me make it easier for you – these months, these days are the same every year. What admin are you talking about? Plus, I thought they were investing in AI precisely to take care of such silly tasks…
I felt erased, as a woman. As someone who has been working with these giant tech companies, even employed by some of them. Someone who consumes their products feverishly, always starred eyed with the opportunities that technology brings – bearing in mind the dangers as well. But with gestures such as these they are saying that I don’t matter, the women who fought and sacrificed so much to achieve a resemblance of equality don’t matter. That those who still struggle for rights, to be treated equally, in all parts of life, that those who face violence and racism on a day to day basis purely because of their gender, don’t matter.
I’m in a particular vulnerable time of my life, and I’ve been linking a lot of my past experiences to gender discrimination in the professional setting. When I started my first office job, I felt bullied by fellow older women who couldn’t stop themselves commenting on my legs every time I wore a skirt. At my second job, where I felt my career really started to take off, in my first performance review, my manager (a man, of course) added a comment to say I should smile more. Later when I assumed a position of leadership, and I had the confidence to be assertive, I was told I was being emotional when I raised how strained the team was, trying to convince them to hire more. Moved jobs, and at a major tech company, I wasn’t taken seriously immediately. My first manager (another man) said it would likely take over a year for me to drive impact – I proved him wrong. I drove impact in my first three months, and he had to put me forward for a promotion – that I got – just 10 months later. I was denied the chance to interview for a senior position, no reason given – I was sure that it was my younger age as a female. Still, I had to help and mentor the person who came along – yes, you guess it, a man. Just recently, I’ve been looking for a new job – I am having incredibly successful interviews, always with fantastic feedback. But then when a senior leader (typically at least 15 years older than me, white, male) interviews me, I am dismissed. No feedback is given, or at least no feedback that doesn’t sound like bullshit.
I feel they come in with bias. I never wanted to fully admit it to myself, but lately, I can’t find any other explanation for this pattern I’m facing. I am a white woman, which is still a privileged position in comparison to others. Yet, it doesn’t seem to bring much lately. Perhaps it’s my accent. Most likely it is my gender.
This has made me even more wary of men, I can’t lie. I feel I have to work three times harder to be seen as competent, and still not enough. I am usually the top performer of any team I am part of… and still it takes me so much to be seen, to be heard, to be taken seriously. And seeing D&I being erased, makes me worried that women will continue to struggle to get to positions of leadership and even when they do, to be taken seriously.
I am proud of being a woman. To take this gender, you have to be stronger than any other white man out there. Revelling against gender roles and labels. Working threefold to be recognised. Putting to many masks on to appease – because you have to. And whilst I’ve been speaking on the professional side of things, this is the exact same when I travel.
I am so incredibly disappointed in this world. It’s been so hard to keep going, to be positive, to not be completely drained from everything that’s been going on. My history, the history of my gender, is being cleared. It might not look like much – removing an event from a calendar – but it always starts “little”.
Let’s not let them win. It’s up to all of us to stand up for those who are being discriminated, unfairly victims of bias. You can do this by speaking out, by reflection on your own unconscious bias. Put these events back on your calendars – all of them. Let’s not let history be erased.
Love,
Nic
The Winged Bone 